Forever Alone

It was early morning as Nick made his way quietly out of his house. He just couldn't sleep so he let his feet wonder. He soon found himself on the cliff tops looking down onto the beach, it was the perfect spot to watch the sunset. He shoved his hands into his pockets and just watched it rise.

I was sound asleep in my bed when I heard the floorboards creek. I was a light sleeper so I was up and ready for whatever it was, maybe I was being to paranoid but that stuff with Black John still freaked me out. I crept over to my door nd opened it seeing Nick sneak out of the house. My first thought was to leave him but I noticed he was being quieter then usual lately. Going into Cousin mode I slipped on some shoes and a sweater and followed him. He ended up at the beach looking at the sunrise. I didn't know if I should disturb him or not but he probably already sensed me.

He turned at the slight sound of footsteps behind him and frowned. "What you doing here Deb? I thought you were asleep?" He asked over his shoulder before turning back to the sunrise. It was funny how people loved something as simple as this. He himself couldn't see the fuss about it. It was just a sunrise nothing beautiful or extraordinary about it.

"I was until I heard you sneaking out of the house." I said walking to stand next to him. I was at his side but to sit down since it was early and I was still tired. "What are you doing here anyway?" I asked looking at the sunrise. Sometimes I couldn't understand why people thought it was so pretty, looked bland to me with all that orange.

Nick looked down at her as she sat and soon decided to do the same. He perched on the edge of the cliff, dangling his legs over the edge. It felt good to but this close to danger. If he wasn't sure that this was safe enough to sit on he'd definitely be having a minor addrenalin rush right now.

He considered telling her the truth but soon decided to only tell her half. That way he didn't need to lie. "I couldn't sleep and fancied a walk. Not a crime is it?" He asked shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I get an explanation and the word fancied? Yea something is wrong and your not telling me." I said looking at Nick. He wouldn't give an explanation if he didn't have to and because he gave me one, I knew something had to be up. "Is thisabout Cassie?" I asked. Another thing I knew whether he told me or not was that he really liked her.

Damn! Why did he have to answer? He was finding it increasingly harder to keep his shields up and hide his emotions from everyone including himself. "What?! No!" He said looking at her. She was just one thing on his mind. This morning however he'd woken from another of his nightmares.

"Just leave it would you? I'm fine!"

I sighed. He was pushing me away like usual, except this time I wasn't going to leave him alone like I aways do. "Nick talk to me, I'm your cousin. I'm not going to judge you." I told him. Ususally when Nick wanted to be left alone, I left him alone but now I'm starting to think he just needed someone to talk to.

He sighed and turned his head to look in the opposite direction. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? All he wanted to so was sit here in silence, left to go over his own thoughts but even that was too much to ask for. "I'm fine! Just go home Deborah. Your 'parents' will be awake soon."

I clenched my fists, now he was pissing me off. "Fine, you wanna sit here and be a lonely jerk then do it." I said standing up. "And my parents are mine just as much as they are yours, they raised you." I said and turned around stomping away. Hes such an ass!

He sighed and closed his eyes. Why did he always push people away? Everyone that had ever tried to help him had ended up leaving him to it eventually. He always managed to drive them away, whether he did that intentionally or not it didn't matter. He turned to watch her leave and frowned. "Deb..." He wasn't sure what he was going to say so he just stopped before he started. 

"I know they've done lot for me. I'm grateful for that, but they shouldn't have to put up with me." He said the words tumbling out before he could stop them. He'd been doing that a lot lately and he couldn't think why. He turned back around hiding his face from view whilst he got his emotions back under control. 

I stopped as Nick called my name but didn't turn around. I listned as he went on to say how my parents shouldn't have to deal with him. I sighed, Nick had it rough and it he had a hard time with his emotions, only time I've ever seen him open up was with Cassie. I turned back around. "Nick they care about you, isn't your fault or mine that they fight alot alright? They still care about both of us and to them we are there children and they love us." I said. I knew my parents didn't originally want to be together but they were and even if they did fight they treated me an Nick as their kids. I'm not saying I dont hate there fighting but as long as they treat me like their daughter I don't care.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead with one hand. "I know that, but they shouldn't have too. I should be living across the road in my house with my parents." He said before waving it off. "It doesn't matter, i can't change the past." He said turning back around to face the sunrise. He wonder whether they were watching him. Were they proud of him? Or annoyed that he wasn't using his life as they had planned him too when they risked their life for him.

I sighed and turned back around. I walked over to Nick an stood next to him watching the sunrise. "I know everything doesn't go as planned for you but just remeber in that twisted little mind of yours that I am your cousin and I care about you, alright?" I told him. I wasn't one to usually comfort people but seeing Nick being the way he was I didn't want him to think no one cared about him.

I let out a heavy sigh. "I know you do Deb. I care about you too, it's just hard to show it. I'm the outcast in the circle. I never let things show that they bother me even when they do. I'm just sick of everything good that comes my way keeps getting taken away. You and your parents are the only family I have, both my parents were taken away. All the other members have at least one of their parents, or a grandparent to take care of them. I'm putting a strain on your parents and everyone knows it. They just don't have the balls to say it out loud." This is one of my outbursts that showed my emotions. I didn't want it to happen but it did. "Half of my life I don't even wish that I was born just because I'm the problem child, a burden. Then when I finally find a reason to live, and stick around this damn circle she gets taken away." The words just came out I couldn't stop it. Damn you Deborah for getting under my skin. "Shit!" I cursed loudly, not looking at my cousin.

"Nice word vomit cuz." I smirked. It was weird having Nick express his emotions like that because he wasn't that type of person but it was nice to know he cared about me too. I walked up to him. "Alright I get it, you think life is messed up but your Nick, you get through crap like this." I said. Nick and I are usually the ones who get through the tough stuff easier then the rest of the circle so I know he'll be okay.